The Fujisaki Rules
by MiyakoEenYurFayce
Summary: I, Fujisaki Nagihiko,will get Rima to go out with me. More importantly, I will shampoo her hair. This plan will go perfectly. Why? Because another rule here, the most important rule, is that failure is not an option.
1. Failure is NOT an Option

**Shame on meh, starting another story while I have others that have yet to be finished. Oh well. Since this is the prologue-ish thing, it's expected to be short. Actual chapters will be a bit longer. I own nothing.**

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_The Fujisaki Rules_

_Golden Rule: Failure is not an Option_

_~*~  
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I've always wondered what it's been like to fail at something. Is it a deflated feeling that you just didn't try hard enough? Is it like when you trip over some unseen object, and feel really stupid for it? Maybe it's not a feeling at all, just a thought that you could do better.

Well it's none of those. It's this sinking, painful sensation that you tried your _best_, but it wasn't good enough. That maybe your best will never be good enough, because what you're trying to achieve is impossible, and has been impossible since you started this endeavor four years ago.

Because anything involving Mashiro Rima, is _definitely_ impossible.

And believe me, I've tried. I've tried being nice, mean, shy, aggressive, socially adept, socially _inept_, smart, and stupid. I've tried being a jock, a preppie, a nerd, a goth, I've even tried being a _punk_.

(Still growing my hair back from that mohawk, by the way.)

I've turned into the people I hate most, and the people I fear most just for Rima. Just for a small _chance_ that she might _consider_ throwing a glance in my direction. But no matter what I do, Rima never notices me. If she _does_ notice (which is rare in itself), it's to tell me I look stupid, I act stupid, or I _am_ stupid.

Let me tell you one of the rules that I live by: stupidity is unacceptable. Not only is it unacceptable, it's disgusting, it's vile, and it's like trying to keep a black hole as a pet. It just doesn't make sense.

Calling a Fujisaki stupid is only smart if you've already written your will and/or accomplished all your goals in life (I've got a handful of people that can guarantee that, courtesy of Mommy Dearest).

Yet when Rima calls me stupid, I feel as if I'm high (like Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds high) just because she acknowledged my presence. I'm that desperate for her attention, and clearly I've been a masochist ever since I met her. But who could blame me? Rima was, is, and will be, the most beautiful girl I will ever have the pleasure of knowing. She's smart, funny, and Care Bear adorable when she's mad.

And her hair is just amazing. How many people do you know that have hair that probably (read: definitely) weighs more than their own body? I have honestly considered asking her to play hair salon with me. And as creepy as it may sound, I've had dreams of shampooing her hair. Lathering, rinsing, and maybe even putting it in curlers for her.

(I am such a deranged pervert.)

But enough drooling over Rima's golden hair and her perfect angelic face and her skin that sparkles like diamonds in the sunlight (why? because another rule here is that Fujisaki Nagihiko is not a Bella Swan who obsesses over sparkly not-very-mythical-vampires). My pain and suffering for a certain blonde midget will end here. Because even if I have to run across the football field wearing nothing but a bright pink bikini, I _will_ get her to notice, fall for, and go out with me. (More importantly, I will shampoo her hair.)

How will this happen? I have a fool-proof making-the-impossible-very-possible plan to get Rima's attention. Or rather, I have a fool-proof plan that I have yet to come up with. (Preparation is rarely needed for a Fujisaki. Unless it involves dancing.) The goal of this future plan is (obviously) to go out with Mashiro Rima. And, if (read: when) I play my cards right, she will fall in love with me, we will get married, have at least five children, and then we will spend our golden years traveling around the world. Oh yes, this plan will carry out flawlessly.

(Why? Because another rule here, the most _important_ rule, is that failure is not an option.)


	2. It's Not Blackmail, It's Useful Info

**I know I should have said this in the first place, but I'm feeling lazy. If you want me to reply to your review, **_**tell me. **_**Because you can't expect me to reply to a "Good job, update soon" if that's all that you're going to say, because all you'll get back is a "Thank you" with a possible smiley. And a two word reply isn't really necessary. I apologize for anyone that wanted a reply to their review of the prologue, I'll reply to it if you want. Constructive criticism is welcome, and anon reviews will be replied to at the bottom, if requested. But if you can, just log in, it makes replying a lot faster. And yes, the rules are numbered randomly.  
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**_The Fujisaki Rules_

_Rule 67: It's Not Blackmail, It's Useful Info  
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Today, I realized I knew something. Or to be accurate, I knew _three_ somethings.

I made these realizations in the middle of my Math class. The teacher was talking excitedly about parabolas (read: things I will never use), when a thought occurred to me: if I was to successfully carry out my plan to get Rima, I'd need to have her weaknesses as backup, as well as my main offensive tactic.

Oddly, it also occurred to me that Rima was seated in the back of class this year. I never noticed before, since she was so quiet and we were only a week and a half into the school year. Because of her height, or lack thereof, she wouldn't be able to see the board.

The third realization (though it was rather obvious), was that Amu's seat was right next to mine, and it was right up front. And Amu _hated_ the front, with almost as much passion as Anakin hated the Sith.

(Which doesn't really make sense now that I think about it, considering he went to the Dark Side and whatnot.)

But this information couldn't have come at a better time. Because our teachers had agreed that if our seating was a "learning distraction" (their words, not mine) by the end of two weeks, we could switch with someone else if they were willing. All I needed was for Rima and Amu to switch seats, and I could start in on my plan.

And I was _fairly_ sure that Amu would willingly trade seats with Rima. I had some very…convincing information to get what I wanted.

I had walked up to Amu at the beginning of lunch. "Amu-chan! I was wondering if you could do something for me?" I asked her as we stood in the lunch line, surrounded by people I had to keep my normal social elite act up with. Despite my famous smiling look, I was slightly forcing it when I asked.

And she noticed right off the bat. Amu lightly raised an eyebrow and said, "Is something wrong, Nagi? You look kind of… twitchy."

"What are you talking about? I feel fine." I smiled widely, switching my eyes between her tray and our usual table, hoping she got the hint.

Luckily, she wasn't spacing out today. "Right, of course. Let's go sit," Amu laughed as she paid for her food.

Once we were sitting in the ugly red chairs, I immediately started my plan-within-the-not-plan again. "So I was thinking… about your seat in our class."

"Mmhm, real interesting," she mumbled, clearly paying more attention to her oddly shaped and creepy looking sandwich (it was cut into a circle with a smiley face pressed into the bread). "What are you planning on doing this weekend? I was thinking we could go shopping for more clothes, even though we just went shopping right before school, but everyone knows the good deals really start _after_ school begins. Plus, there's this really cool new ice cream shop and we could probably― "

"You should switch seats with Rima in class!" I blurted out in the middle of her odd rambling. She stared at me blankly, so I continued. "I figured since she can't see from the back, and since you hate the front, it'd be a good switch."

She sighed before bluntly stating, "Trying to get her to fall in love with you again?"

I grinned. "Yep."

"Really? She's shot you down every time. Isn't this the thousandth try already?" Kukai came into my view, turning the chair next to me backwards and sitting on it with his arms dangling off the back.

My smile changed into a grimace as I turned to him. "Gee, thanks for the moral support."

He laughed and ruffled (read: abused) my hair. "No problem. So what's the plan this time, Fujisaki?"

"What plan?" There was a collective gasp. I switched back and forth between their blank faces. "What? Did you actually think I'd have a plan already?"

Amu tapped her chin in thought then said, "Well usually you start making some elaborate blue prints of her house, the school, her schedule, and even a list of anticipated responses."

"That's not exactly what―"

"And usually you spend weeks going through every detail of your wardrobe to make sure you're correctly following whatever stereotype or social group your going with," Kukai interrupted.

"And what about that time you stayed in a tree outside her house all night to watch her sleep?" Amu asked as she started to laugh. "You came to school with bags the size of Jupiter."

"I was trying to figure out her circadian rhy―"

"Oh and remember that time he tried to be a skater boy? He broke his leg trying to grind a bench in the park. The old ladies that were feeding the pigeons said―"

"OKAY!" My outburst was loud enough to attract the attention of our surrounding tables. I twitched under their stares and lowered my voice. "We all know my plans haven't exactly worked in the past, but this time will be different."

"And how will this be different from all your previous failures?" Amu raised her eyebrow in curiosity.

I slightly winced at her use of the word _failures_ (I like to think of them as practice runs), but answered the question. "Because you guys are going to help me." I smiled and leaned back in my chair.

Kukai almost laughed. "No offense, Fujisaki, but the last time we helped you someone almost got hit by a car."

I huffed. "It wasn't _someone_, it was just a bird. And it deserved to get hit; the thing was just sitting in the middle of the road!" I threw up my hands for emphasis, and glared. "Besides, if you guys don't help, I'll just have to post those pictures from way back in elementary up all over the school, Kukai. And for you Amu, I can just show your dad that photo album hidden under the loose wood in your room."

Amu had some strange "I'm-about-to-be-killed-in-a-horror-movie" type of expression. "You can't! He doesn't even know I _have_ a boyfriend!"

"That's blackmail! And you can't prove it was me in the pictures." Kukai frowned, slinking back in his seat. "Anyway, I look a lot manlier now."

"You call it black mail, I call it useful information," I sighed dramatically (this is where acting lessons come in handy) and crossed my arms. "But either way, you guys are climbing on this ship, or swimming with the sharks."

They exchanged a look (much like the main characters do in the movies, just before some building blows up behind them), then stared back at me. Amu slowly drummed her fingers on the table and said, "If we help you, you have to tell us everything about your plan, or whatever you come up with, and we can debate parts of the plan. You tend to get eccentric when it comes to Rima. Deal?"

I couldn't help but grin as I held out my hand. "Deal."


End file.
